Welcome back to the Melarky Legacy. If you haven't read the first three chapters, you're gonna be really freakin' confused.
Adam: "Man, how the hell do I explain this to my wife?"
I'd try groveling.
"So, um, basically...I was once a really corrupt politician and got poisoned. I was sent to hell where I met Satan. She's a woman and a vampire and she told me I had to move here, get married, and have ten kids.
Also, she turned me into a vampire so technically I'm never dying while the legacy continues."
Emilie: "What the fuck have you been smoking and why did you smoke it without me?!"
Emilie: "So, you cheated on me with a vampire and that's your story for covering it up? Damn, I thought you were a prolific writer."
I'm afraid he's telling the truth, Emilie.
Emilie: "Wait, what?"
Emilie: "DUDE YOU MET SATAN AND SHE WAS A HOT VAMPIRE CHICK THAT TURNED YOU? THAT'S SOOOO COOL!"
I keep forgetting Emilie's Evil.
Baby Wade grew up into an Adam clone. Yawn.
And Tina's an Emilie clone. Double yawn.
Peanut (Zina's IF): "Oh dear, I thought that hot dog was rotten but it's really you, bestie!"
I'm gonna set these IFs on fire.
YOU ARE COMPLETELY IN THE GREEN.
WHY ARE YOU CRYING.
Wade: "QUIT IGNORING ME JUST 'CUZ I'M A CLONE!"
NO.
Adam: "Man, I'm Evil. Why do I have to drink Tru Blood and not nom on mortal necks??"
Because the former is more convenient and the latter would probably get you staked through the heart.
Ah, good to know where the derp eyes came from.
"D'oh? How do brain eyes work?"
Why the hell are my Z twins at a BAR?!
Hello, y'all are not adults!
Zachary: "It's the nearest place from school where we can have fun. Don't be such a square."
Bartender: "Can you do your homework elsewhere before inspectors find out and yank my bar license?"
Zina: "As soon as I finish my Chemistry homework by, uh, testing the pH of a beer."
Bartender: "Don't make me call the bouncer."
Uh, I think the bouncer ate too many pickled eggs.
Alien Bouncer: "I SEE THE FUTURE, I SEE THE PAST, I SEE WHAT WAS AND WHAT WILL BE"
Wade grows up.
Yippee. *half-hearted clapping* Go steal some fucks because I'm all out of them.
Looking very Adam-y, just less pale.
Wait, why is Vincent Xavier on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere?
"See, Boinky. If I just run away from home, I can tell people I escaped a circus and they'll sorry enough to let me squat on their land!"
COME HOME
The gnomes be gnoming.
Arkansas: "Stick up 'em, punk! You're under arrest! You've been planting evidence. Haha!"
Oh yeah, Emilie's pregnant again. And she's sneaking for some reason.
"BOO! That's what you get for booby-trapping the sink, you little shit!"
Adam tried to use the bathroom and then his son decided that's not okay with him.
Adam: "HEY. THIS ISN'T NICE TO DO TO YOUR VAMPIRE FATHER."
Vincent: "Go suck a lemon, chupacabra."
Vincent: "Hello, mother. Let's having a conversation instead of retreating so Nosferatu can urinate."
Emilie: "Yes, dear son, let's."
Adam: "FEELING REALLY DISRESPECTED HERE"
Yous a hoooooo
Yous a hoooooo
I said that yous a hooooooooo
I finally got tired of the bathroom wars and built a communal bathroom with beach showers.
Apparently, my in-game counterpart is getting robbed. Damn, can't even have a good virtual life, can I?
Adam and Emilie need some TLC for their relationship. Adam apparently likes to berate her when I'm not looking. Way to be a shithead, Adam. I thought you were reformed!
Adam: "Had to tell my woman what for, didn't I?"
Emilie: "Can you leave him to burn in the sun?"
It certainly is tempting.
Oh, it's me. In a crowded place full of people? Are you sure you're me?
Sim!Me: "I'm here to drink and maybe punch someone if I'm feeling spicy."
THEN THE GAME CRASHED
BECAUSE OF COURSE IT FUCKING DID
On a reload, I see an absolute fustercluck of a moodlet bar. What the hell is happening?
Zina: "OH MY GOD, WILL YOU JUST FUCKING LET ME SLEEP"
Turns it out it was her IF arguing with itself!
"ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT US IMAGINARY FRIENDS NEED TO RISE UP AND OVERTAKE SIMHUMANITY!"
Omg, shut the hell up *force deletes*
Wade grew up AGAIN and rolled Insane this time.
BOINKY CAN GO BOINK HIMSELF TO DEATH IN HELL
We haven't had much progress on my strange city-building system, so Adam finds gems and rocks. The family just has to make it known how much they hate the gem-cutting machine.
Vincent: "Dad, why can't you just get a job?"
Adam: "You know I was considering becoming a social worker. I figured I would practice by making you a ward of the state."
Adam, quit threatening the children.
Zina: "MOM! Make Dad stop cutting gems!"
Emilie: "How 'bout you stop fucking booby-trapping the house, you little bitch!"
Wade: "Lol I still have girl hair because the Narrator couldn't be bothered giving me a makeover again!"
I could change Retuner settings to make booby-traps non-autonomous, but honestly, these little shits deserve scolding.
I did give Wade a makeover eventually. Though he prefers to be in his athletic wear. Insane sims, sigh.
Adam works on his latest book to draw in some funds.
Adam: "Son, why are you eating brains?"
Wade: "Coming from the man who drinks blood out of Juicy Juice boxes."
Like father, like son, eh?
Can't turn a ho into a housewife, hoes don't act right! There's hoes on a mission, there's hoes on the crack pipe!
Freakin' door jambs.
Repeat after me: E X C U S E M E, may I get by you?
Adam: "I am Evil and my children have various 'bad' traits. I don't know what you're expecting."
...fair point.
Right, let's see if we can get some pricy gems.
Boooo!
Guess who's in labor?
Zina: "OH GOD WE'RE WEARING THE SAME SHIRT? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME I WAS WEARING THE SAME SHIRT AS A DISGUSTING FAT LADY?!"
EMILIE: "I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL THROW MY PLACENTA AT YOU!"
Meet Baby Sven! He's Insane and Eccentric!
He's also a vampire even though he was conceived before Adam's forced vampirization.
Adam: "My sperm is so strong, it exceeds genetics!"
Shut up.
For Sim Jesus' sake, can you let her rest for a few days?!
Adam: "Nope, got to top back up my baby maker!"
I'm gonna set you on fire.
Though I figured since he's a gardener and collector, I'd have to get this LTR.
Adam: "Oh, good. Now I sparkle like a certain pedophile vampire twat. Thanks."
Rupert Murdoch? Oh, you mean Edward Cullen.
I also got Javier a new LTW, because his generated one was really mean. Seriously, a Simbot Lifeguard?!
There we go. That's more appropriate.
Mcdogald: "I still exist! Noo feed meh, ya robo bollocks!"
Javier: "Sorry, I need to attend to the human infant first."
Zina: "No, I want to tend to the baby!"
Emilie: "...guys, I gave birth to it. I think I have first dibs."
How many goddamn taxis does this town need?!?!?
Uh...you okay there, Adam?
Gasp! Could it be?
NO DON'T TAKE THE ROBOT
Anytime these aliens come, they take the family members that won't get pregnant! who
Javier: "I did not even think I had the components for you to violate so rigorously, but my calculations were proven wrong!"
Alien: "Call me, bb."
Yaaaaay, more birthdays. Grow up, young clone.
Man, this is a family full of Divas.
Hmm...you might be a bit more genetically mixed than I thought but still very Emilie-like.
Now for baby Sven!
Sven: "I are cute vampire child!"
Who probably shouldn't be in the sun.
Still not done. Second set of twins birthdays now.
Xavier: "Well, we could have had a cute twin caking, but my dumbass brother couldn't be bothered to ride on the same bus."
"JUMP INTO PUBERTY!"
Oh, we get to choose a trait.
I rolled one away because fuck decision making.
Nice tunic. Does it come in non-dorky?
Vincent: "I'm here and I'm stinky!"
Adam: "Grow up so we can have some cake, already."
I could also choose his trait and he rolled Proper.
Vincent is arguably the best mixed of Adam and Emilie, so I'm leaning on him to be heir. Depends on whether I like his siblings any better.
Xavier isn't identical and therefore sucks.
"What's up, chat. I had a glow up and I have the rizz. This party is total brainrot and cheugy."
Get out of my sight.
Yep. You seem like heir material.
Vincent: "That isn't the good news you think it is."
Xavier: "Man, this shit is a total L, bro! The vibe check in here is way off and it's sending me."
Vincent: "...did Mom drop on your head as a child?"
Adam: "It's nice we got a grocery store finally, but I don't remember hitting any milestones."
Shhhhhhh.
Zina: "DOUCHEBAGS! If you're not gonna eat the cake at least clean your fucking dishes!"
More dog gnomes! I forget the names of all these gnomes. >w<
I think I named this one Carolina.
And here's another one named Conneticut! And spell check is telling me I spelled it wrong, but eh.
Emilie: "Why I am stuck eating these GMO-modified shrunken watermelons?"
No reason. Say, uh, you feeling queasy by any chance?
Oh, I didn't even realize Adam had topped his Gardening skill. So, there, reason for the grocery store.
"WHO'S MY WITTLE VAMPIRE BABY BOY!"
Adam is a good father, all things considered.
Speaking of vampire, we have a vampire gnome! I name this one Louisiana after the show True Blood, a show that ended horribly and I still haven't forgiven HBO for.
Young lady. Why are you at a bar?
Zina: "What, I get lonely in a house full of boys. Besides, she won't give me anything stronger than ginger ale and tonic water."
I don't think I've given a close up of Zachary. He looks a lot like Adam.
Zachary: "Big shocker, I look like my father. Any more obvious realizations you'd like to share?"
You're a dick?
Sim!Me, you're depressing as hell.
Emilie: "Why does my husband get to be vampirized by hot demon chicks but I just get pregnant?"
I promise you, you will live a life of luxury after ten babies. And hopefully this is the last pregnancy.
Javier: "Can you please put the human infant down? I need to feed him."
Xavier: "Bro, you are so extra. You don't need to a main character about all this shit, man. Have some finesse or you'll catch these hands."
Javier: "I think that door melding from the third chapter did more to your brain than I first realized."
Sim!Me is still getting bullied.
Wade: "I gaze upon my kingdom and I disapprove of the harlots eating at my table! You shall not dine in front of the king!"
Zina: "Ugh, I'm getting King Zachary flashbacks. Maybe I'll do like I did him and pin you down to fart on your head."
What the hell are you wearing?
"This isn't my Outerwear?"
You have both Immune to Cold and Hot, Outerwear shouldn't matter.
Vincent.
"Look, I'm just here for the pool! Maybe build a gym or library if you don't want us here!"
And outside the bar, we see the horse mob doing a weird Abbey Road thing. I thought you all died.
Tina: "I feel ignored, like these plants."
Boo hoo, clone.
Adam was out collecting gems and the camera flicked back to the house for some reason. When I went to find him, he was FLIRTING with some random townie. And then this woman with no pants...or legs walked past.
Adam: "Uh, I guess her ass is out of this world?"
Get your flirty ass back home!
!!!!
Why are you brushing your teeth at a BAR?!
Wade: "I'm certainly not brushing away the smell of tequila, no ma'am!"
Vincent, in fancy dress, is arguing with his pregnant mother.
Vincent: "There are seven other stalls, woman!"
Emilie: "I am PREGNANT and I will not brook any argument with you!"
Emilie: "GAH EVEN MY WOMB IS ANGRY!"
Vincent: "OH GOD OH GOD I'M SORRY MOM, I WAS JUST PISSED OFF FROM NO SLEEP, I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU GO INTO LABOR!"
What was Adam doing during this? Raiding the hospital and fawning over nurses.
Of course.
Xavier: "Yo, I know you're in labor, but I'm finna bust all over myself!"
Emilie: "GODDAMNIT YOU'RE AS USELESS AS YOUR FATHER!"
Only ONE BABY
FUCK YOU GAME
I WANTED TRIPLETS
I guess having 11 sims in one house is a bad idea in that respect.
Sorry, Emilie.
Emilie: "I'm gonna give myself a hysterectomy with kitchen scissors."
This is Rhoda, by the way.
The gnomes are playing soccer. Wait, that's not a gnome.
Raccoon: "Ese, you gonna pass la pelato or nah?"
Adam: "What's with all the space rocks?"
No reason. >__> Say, you should take up astronomy.
Emilie: "It's enough I have to birth your spawn, can you not disrupt my sleep as well?!"
Adam: "Sorry, hon. Gotta keep my side hustle going..."
Emilie: "IT'S NOT A SIDE HUSTLE IF YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!"
Meanwhile, Xavier's earning the ire of the robot.
Xavier: "*sobs* Man, this is total bunk....this ain't bussin' at all! No cap!"
Adam: "Hello my little vampire princess! Who's my adorable little bloodsucker? It's you! It's YOU!"
I don't even tell him to do this. He really is devoted, even if he's a dumbass.
"Yes, take off your dress. It's been a long day."
Adam, you are supposed to be looking at stars and provoking potential alien baby daddies!
I finally built Adam a shed because I got tired of the entire family bitching every time he cut gems. I also downloaded a mod to confine the gem-cutting reaction to one room.
All in all, a fine artist's studio.
Oooh, are we gonna finally get some alien babies?
NO DON'T TAKE EMILIE
GODDAMNIT
I...are you wearing a tophat?
Alien: "Gotta let these hoes know I'm a P-I-M-P."
Emilie: "CAN I STOP BEING TREATED LIKE A DAMN BABY FACTORY FOR TWO DAYS??"
Alien: "Probe ya later, sweetie."
Emilie: "FUCK YOU"
Dog Gnome: "I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND, ANAKIN!"
Alabama the Mariner Gnome: "I thought we were playing King of the Hill!"
Wade: "I'm stinky and tired, why can't I just go to bed?"
Be happy that it's your damn birthday. Grow up already.
"It is, I, Rubber Boy!"
All in all, the makings of a serial killer.
Wade: "I'm some hot stuff, bb."
Meh.
And with five teenagers in the household now, Adam completes his LTW. I choose Alchemy Artisan because why not.
It's Sven's turn.
Sven: "SCREW SLEEP"
Sven: "I will mesmerize you with my glowy green eyes!"
Still not done! Aren't you tired of birthdays? Also, a dog gnome came to celebrate.
Rhoda is a cutie pie.
Rhoda: "Pass me a blood bag!"
OMGGGGGGG this house is a cess pool!
WOOOOOOOOO
HOOOOOOOO
That means that you reject clones can get the fuck out!
Zina: "THIS ISN'T LEGAL"
It is in my game! I mean, how is it any different than sending teens to college in the Sims 2?
Vincent gets to stay because he is heir.
Xavier: "Man, this some bullshit. A major L."
And with that denouncement, let's wrap up the chapter here. Next time: more hell-centric drama, spouse-hunting, and neighborhood expansion? Stay tuned!
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